What is Dominance?

OK, I've given this some thought. Maybe a bit too much!

I see Dominance in two different ways:

(1) in terms of the fundamental sexual characteristic, and

(2) in terms of the assumed role (what it "means" to be "a" Dominant):

* * *

(1) I perceive the essence of sexual Dominance (in myself and others) as being the complimentary opposite to submissiveness. A sub likes to serve and please; a Dom likes to be served and pleased. To be reductionist, it is a kind of selfishness.

When I have sex with someone I am motivated by my own pleasure. I like to get my own way, maximise the physical sensations for my satisfaction. If it is a vanilla encounter I get off on giving pleasure as I receive it - on MY terms - which obviously suits my partner very well, even though it is perhaps motivated by an arrogant/conceited desire to control someone else's sexual experience.

In a D/s encounter, of course, it's even MORE all about me! But although the mechanics are different, the same 'me' is there, taking what he wants from the other person and not worrying all that much about whether he is getting as much pleasure as I am.

I know this self-centered quality can be present in switches (and faux-subs) too, but when it is the overriding, central sexual characteristic of a person I think that is what spells D-O-M!

This quality is what a lot of subs are attracted to; they want someone who is a bit of a bastard, the 'unreconstructed typical male' who isn't softened by considerations of equality and fairness in sex.

The thing that lifts this above basic selfishness is the context of the relationship (committed or casual) and my perception of my role.

(2) True Dominance is my role as leader, guide, mentor, nurturer and protector. I have responsibilities towards my subs that come before my own gratification. I need to exercise self-discipline before I can competently discipline others, not that I strive to be perfect but because the more correct I am, the more correct I can make others.

I have to be strict sometimes, gentle at other times. I have to be patient when my sub is having genuine difficulty following my orders, and I have to be firm when I know he needs punishment, even if my inclination is to be lenient.

My duty is to lead him from the place where he is to the place that he wants to go to, but is afraid of. I have to teach him that fear can be faced and that pain is one of the unavoidable paths to fulfilment and happiness.

I have to be dependable, constant, strong and resourceful. When my sub needs me I have to be there for him to lean on. He needs to know that he is never alone. I have to be his rock.

* * *

If a person only has the first kind of Dominance he might make an exciting shag for a sub, but not a lot else. If he has the more 'noble' Dom qualities he obviously has a lot more to offer. I personally feel the closest affinity with someone who has BOTH.

(Apologies for the male slant here, I'm sure women can also be Dominant in both ways)

RopeTop.com