One of the most fascinating things about BDSM is the way in which it pays homage to traditional, old-fashioned concepts whilst simultaneously making us look at them in new ways.
A Dominant/submissive relationship uses restrictive archaic social structures as the basis for innovative modern relationships. A BDSM Master does not truly own another human being, except perhaps in an emotional sense if he has earned the devotion of his slave. A BDSM slave is not a real slave, he just uses the trappings of real slavery as a tool for the liberation of his own desires.
Traditional ideas about masculinity and superiority are celebrated - and also turned on their head. In gay vanilla culture there often exists an attitude that a top is in some way superior to a bottom. For a man to hold on to the man's role in penetration makes him 'better' than the one who takes the 'female' role. Some even look down upon bottoms, ridicule them (even if they are bottoms themselves), reserving all their respect and admiration for the manly penetrators.
It escapes many tops that respecting bottoms is very important, for two very good reasons:
(1) - Bottoms deserve our admiration for their willingness to provide the essential receptive role, which takes courage; the physical courage to expose themselves to potential pain from those tops who are less skilled than they should be, and the courage to stand up and declare themselves as bottoms in the face of ridicule and scorn from ignorant individuals who, for reasons based on old-fashioned bigotry, regard a bottom guy as being 'less of a man', or 'lazy' or in some way inferior to tops.
(2) - If you respect them, you get to shag them a LOT more often. :-)
How much more courageous, then, is a man who submits to the command and discipline of another man? The physical and mental endurance he suffers would make your average vanilla top wilt like a daffodil in a hurricane...
We love all the trappings of masculinity - the boots, the leather, the physical and mental strength and toughness, the authority to weild power - and these qualities are rightly prided in BDSM Tops who possess them. In a good Top, however, it goes beyond the surface. He must do more than just talk the talk, he must take on responsibility for the gift of submission he is receiving. He must cultivate the right kind of assertiveness, resilience, resourcefulness and wisdom that will drive the relationship in the right direction, for the benefit of both himself and his sub. He must become like a father figure who guides, instructs and above all protects those who depend upon him.
His sub possesses a different kind of courage and strength. Different, not inferior. There is more than one type of strength ... and more than one type of masculinity.
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