Introduction to BDSM

If you are new to all this, a little introduction may be useful.

BDSM is the term most often used nowadays to refer to sexuality that involves power, domination, pain, bondage, roleplay and fetishes.

It includes SM (or "S&M"); sadomasochism = sexuality involving the enjoyment of inflicting and/or receiving pain. However, there are many similar forms of sexuality that have elements in common with SM but do not necessarily involve physical pain, and so the term BDSM is a more all-encompassing term that includes Bondage / Discipline / Domination / Submission / Sadism / Masochism.

This distinction is important because bondage, for example, is a fetish which with many people does not involve pain.

Leather clothing and paraphenalia have long been associated with S&M, and traditionally (circa 1960s-1980s) gay men in the US and Europe with an interest in SM were always identified with leathermen (men wearing "full leather" - usually motorcycle leathers - as immortalised in the artwork of Tom of Finland). However, a fetish for leather is a separate form of sexuality to SM. You can, and do, have one without the other.

People are classified according to their inclination. The dominant partner is called a Dominant - Dom for short (or Domme if female) and the submissive partner is called a submissive or sub. Traditionally the former is capitalised, the latter is not. More specifically, "Masters" and "slaves" refer to relationships in which the domination and submission extends beyond sexual roleplay and becomes the basis for a structured arrangement in which one partner consents to become the "property" of the other.

Relationships in which one partner dominates the other are therefore referred to generally as D/s (Dom/sub) or more specifically as M/s (Master or Mistress/slave).

Definitions and interpretations will vary from person to person. There is no central authority on BDSM, no tablets of stone. There are traditions but there are also new developments coming along all the time. What is relevant is what works for the individuals concerned.

A person who enjoys dominating and submitting at different times and/or with different people is called a switch.

The term vanilla is used by BDSM people to refer to non-BDSM sexuality ("normal sex").

This is just the tip of the iceberg! For more detailed information see the Wikipedia article: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bdsm, and the Xeromag FAQ page http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdsm.html and glossary www.xeromag.com/fvbdglossary.html

My Advice for Novice Doms may also be worth a read.

Leathermen
Leathermen are part of a long proud tradition originating in the USA in the mid-20th century. The culture is credited to have grown out of post-World War II biker culture in the 1940s, and early gay leather bars were subcultural versions of the motorcycle club.

The significance of leather culture to gay men at the time was a major innovation in male homosexual identity. Prior to the advent of leather there were no masculine role models. What little gay community did exist was often centered around people associated with the theatre, in particular female impersonators (the first drag queens). This alienated the majority of gay men, who did not share these interests or feminine characteristics. To them, leather was a revelation: gay men who dressed and acted like men was a breath of fresh air.

To a large extent, an interest in leather represents a fetish for masculinity, and for many men this is as far as it goes. A guy who is "into leather" may or may not be into BDSM, he may just enjoy the look and feel of the clothing and gear. The same is true in Britain for clones, bears and skinheads, who in the 1980s emerged as further masculine gay subcultures. Other "gear" fetishes include rubber, denim and uniforms.

Historically, however, leathermen have been the main representatives of gay BDSM culture in the USA and Europe and they are still its most visible symbols. Today leather is often used as a signifier of an interest or involvement in BDSM, and is often used as a shorthand for gay BDSM. Most gay fetish clubs include all of the above as variations on the theme of masculine kink.

Leather/BDSM newbies are advised to read John Pendal's "My First Night in a Leather Bar" - http://www.iml2003.com/beef1.htm

Masters and slaves

BDSM ownership is a mutually consensual arrangement between two (or more) people, in which one surrenders power to the other and becomes his "property". The slave then serves the Master, obeying his orders and carrying out duties under his Master's direction.

This resembles a Dominant/submissive roleplay but goes further, beyond sex and kink and into the wider lifestyle. Ownership is considered to be indefinite, depending upon the rules agreed in advance by both parties. The degree of control varies, the most extreme being the Total Power Exchange (TPE) in which the Master controls every aspect of the slave's life.

Unlike real slavery, in which the victim has no choice, a BDSM slave is voluntarily surrendering power to someone that he wants to serve as completely as possible. The "ownership" is of course not legally binding, but is a mutual committment between the two partners involved.

The relationship ends at the Master's discretion, though the slave also has the power to end the relationship if his failure to obey commands results in the ultimate punishment: dismissal from service.

Today there are variations on the terminology of the roles, the Dominant partner can be called a Dom, a Master, Boss, an Owner, or a Dogtrainer, etc.; the submissive partner can be called a slave, sub, boy or "boi" (who may be older than the Dom), a dog or dogslave, puppy or pup, etc., depending on the characteristics of the individuals concerned.

Traditionally the Master would be a leatherman, but today the Dominant partner can be a skinhead, a daddy bear, or anything. Neither partner has to conform to any mode of dress or behaviour, they can make up their own rules and rituals.

Often the relationship is formalised with the signing of a contract that sets out the rules and responsibilities of the Dominant and submissive.

In many cases the Master gives his slave a symbol to wear that denotes his ownership, usually a collar or a padlocked chain.

Relationship patterns can vary. The Master and slave may be a monogamous couple or they may have an open relationship. Either one may already be in a non-BDSM open relationship, to which the BDSM relationship is an added extra. The Master may have more than one slave or sub (a stable), and his first slave (alpha slave) may have dominance over the secondary slaves. Casual encounters with other Dominants and submissives may be allowed.

The Master may a have partner who is sexually submissive but does not want to commit to a structured M/s relationship and is therefore known simply as a sub. The Master may have a committed slave or slaves and also have subs with whom he plays.