OK, this is going to be even MORE tricky. No that I'm an indecisive wishy-washy guy who doesn't know what he wants, it's just difficult to put it into words. Like all good, well-adjusted individuals, I am of course a bundle of contradictions.
Or at least it may seem that way to the casual observer. Would you call a man indecisive if he likes both blonds AND redheads? Ambiguity is not always inconsistency.
For example: Am I looking for casual playmates or committed slaves?
Answer: Both.
Sort of. Ambiguity is sometimes greediness…
A kinky funbuddy who doesn't want to make a commitment outside of the sex/kink/roleplay and scrub my toilet can be a lot of fun. I have guys who fall into this category and I call them 'playsubs'. I don't 'own' them or tell them what to do when we have finished playing. Calling them 'casual' playmates is a little misleading because I have known some of them for a few years and they are most definitely friends.
A slave who wants to be my property and hand over power to me is also very welcome (though I will use different terminology; committed subordinate rather than slave, Dominance rather than ownership).
Yes, I want to have my cake and eat it. Why? Oh, erm, let me think... Oh, yes.
BECAUSE I CAN!
(Oh and, yeah, did I mention? I'll still be boinking vanilla bottoms as well. I have a healthy libido and, like they say, it's not for stirring your tea with, is it? Well, maybe for some guys; there are all kinds of bizarre fetishes out there, after all. Just let it cool down a bit before you go dunking your dong in your cuppa, OK boys? Unless you get off on scalding your todger, in which case, hey, I won't judge you.)
But I digress. As I was saying, I'm basically a greedy selfish bugger who wants it all. Right? Well, not quite. It's a little more complicated than that. Yes, I will in principle always hold onto my freedoms and prerogatives, but in reality if a sub makes a commitment to me then I am also obliged to make a commitment to him. He will get more attention, time and energy from me than anyone else that I want to fuck. Probably from anyone else at all.
My attitude towards someone whose submission is deeper than the roleplay variety – the kind of sub who is motivated by a desire to serve and please a dominant man rather than to just get his rocks off playing the part for an hour or so - is one of great respect. The more submissive a guy is, the more fascinated I am in him.
I have a very strong protective instinct and it responds to vulnerability. When someone puts himself under my power he makes himself vulnerable, so I have to protect him. The deeper he submits, the more protective I become. That doesn't just mean looking out for his physical safety and health, it also means being there for him when he needs me.
Another example of my non-inconsistent ambiguity: Am I sadist?
Answer: Yes and no.
Pain can be interesting and fun, and for different reasons. Some guys enjoy the endorphin high that comes from being hurt. Some enjoy it because of the humiliation aspect. Some derive a submissive satisfaction from enduring the ordeal in order to please the Dom. All of the above interests me very much, and I am very happy to dish out the stimulus as required.
But what if you don't like pain? Not for any of the above reasons? Doesn't that mean I won't be interested in you? I just said I like dishing it out, didn't I?
Actually, yes, I will still be interested in you if you don't like pain. If I know that a playsub doesn't get off on being hurt then I won't feel frustrated, because the domination and sex is more important to me anyway. If a committed sub doesn't enjoy pain, that is not a problem, there is a lot more to a Dominant/submissive relationship than sadomasochism. Plus, it means I can use corporal punishment without the fear that you'll be enjoying it, thereby defeating the object!
Am I into humiliation?
Answer: Maybe.
Humiliation is very similar to physical pain in the way people respond to it. For some it will be destructive to their self-esteem. For others it will be an aphrodisiac. Being basically a nice guy, I'm a lot more into triggering the latter than the former.
As with pain, though, humiliation can be used against someone who doesn't like it as a punishment. I would always be very careful how I used it, though, and it would always be a means to an end rather than an end in itself.
Really, I'm open to a lot of variety. I don't have a template that I expect all subs to aspire to in order to satisfy me. There are surely as many different types of subs as there are people who say “I'm submissive.” and different does not always mean better or worse.
Maybe you also have a little bit of ambiguity yourself, especially if you're inexperienced. You're not sure how deep you want your submission to go. You're not sure if you want to take pain and humiliation or not. That's OK, we can start off simple and start exploring slowly, seeing where it takes us and enjoying the journey.
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