Kinky Enough For You?

I've been chatting to a couple of guys recently who have made me aware of a problem that some subs face. They see endless profiles of slaves with long shopping lists of kinks, fetishes and desires and it makes them feel inadequate because, by comparison, their own lists are much shorter.

I must admit I've had similar concerns myself. Do I have enough kinkiness to attract the übersub of my dreams? For example, I like to push pain buttons but only if the sub enjoys it on some level. Does that mean I'm not really a sadist? Maybe I should be more into thrashing the bejasus out of guys, or masochistic subs will think I'm boring, too vanilla. Or, no, maybe I should be just as sadistic or non-sadistic as I want, otherwise I'm being Topped from the bottom, and not let myself be manipulated by insecurities...

The rational part of me is right, I think. It's quality, not quantity, that counts. I know I get bored reading someone's profile and ploughing through an interminable generic list of kinks, sometimes containing repetitions and redundancies (BDSM, SM, bondage, CP, bondage, S&M, being tied up...)

It doesn't matter how many things you are into, or how extreme. Maybe you like a little bit of bondage, just silk scarves to spread eagle you to your four-poster bed while your beloved tickles your erogenous zones with a feather duster. Or maybe you want to be mummified in industrial-grade rubber and hung upside-down over a vat of piss with vibrating electrodes channelling the National Grid into your lower digestive tract? Either way, you're a kinkster.

Let's have none of this kinkier-than-thou nonsense. We get enough hassle from conservative vanilla folk without needing to endure bigotry from each other.

I have no trouble with the fact that the list of things I am not into is much longer than the list of things that I do like. I'd much rather do a few things well, or very well, than a lot of things adequately. The shopping-list-as-long-as-your-arm approach always makes me wonder how serious the guy is. Am I seeing a genuinely broad palate of taste and experience here, or is it an attempt to impress by ticking boxes? It strikes me as a rather one-dimensional approach.

I'd rather be - and rather play with - someone who has a finite number of interests that they enjoy and devote their time and energy to. Variety is good but I think there is a limit.

I remember once going to a club with two subs. We got chatting to a Master who had his slave in tow. Upon discovering that I didn't piss on my boys, the Master suggested we all get together and play, and that he could help me with my subs by "expanding their limits."

Hmm, I thought. I'm not sure I want their limits expanded. At least, not in that direction, one that doesn't interest me. And certainly not by someone else!

There are, unfortunately, lots of ways that BDSM folk judge each other. Some hardcore D/s types will sneer at casual roleplayers. Some chilled roleplayers will take the piss out of pompous D/s types. Switches will call non-switches dull and predictable. Non-switches will call switches wishy-washy and indecisive. Pain pigs will look down on the less masochistic. Gearheads will turn their nose up at you if you don't have fifteen metric tons of toys including a cage, a vac-rack and a St Andrew's Cross (even if you do live with your parents). Some Tom of Finland-esque Übermensch will not deign to scrape you off the sole of his very large, very shiny boot if you're a kinky vegan.

Diversity is what makes BDSM a many-splendoured thing, but it can also cause problems. With so much variety it is sometimes difficult to step back and see the big picture... because it is SO big!

Just work out what makes you happy and find others who like the same things. Don't worry about comparing yourself to others, unless they are people you personally know and respect. Do what you love and work at doing it well.

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